My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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