Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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