If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
