Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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