someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
