One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
