did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
