totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
