Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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