whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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