ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
as a side note pls kill me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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