My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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