you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
