so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
