did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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