Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
