He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
