I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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