so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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