oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize