do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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