At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
