I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
