becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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