your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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