Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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