This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
