i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
