Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
