I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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