Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
