Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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