I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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