I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
