C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
