This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
