you didnt know i had herpes?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
