i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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