there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
