Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
