Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
