she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize