i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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