I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
