are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
