the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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