Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
