sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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