He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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