Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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