bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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