i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
