If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I can text with my tongue
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
