I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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