a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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