first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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