you would pick up someone in the library
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
