yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
