Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
