great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That was an excessively violent trivia night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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