Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
