"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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