You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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