JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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