Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
