I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Found the puke drawer
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
