you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
