I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
