I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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