While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
