It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
someone owes me an orgasm
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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