your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
