Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
