You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize