You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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