Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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