Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
