I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
