Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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