I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize