if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
