It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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