If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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