my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
