My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
organizing the empties. That sober.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize