spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
