How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
why is half of my head shaved?
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