apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
