i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
A bitchslap is in order.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
