dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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