new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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