none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
