All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
