This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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