u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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