i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've blown a few things in my day
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
