I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
