Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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