Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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