brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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