Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
